the best intentions

People do things for different reasons.

Some people get into a profession because they have always had a thing for it.  Some find it interesting and want to see what it's like.  Some get into it because of the money.  Some, well, they just want to help people or animals in some way or another.

Some do it to defend the life that we live every day.

In a lot of cases, we start off with good intentions.  We want to do the best that we can and we adhere to rules and regulations as if God was going to come down and strike us down if we don't.  As time goes on, we become lax with such things and in some cases, we become disenchanted with things.  We suddenly don't care anymore and then end up hating the job after a while.

Pharmacy is no different.  Many start off with the idea of keeping people compliant and hoping that we can help them become healthier.  We call them after a few days to see how their new therapy is going, remind them that their refills are ready, and talk to them when they come in.  We want to make a difference and so we try to go the extra mile to do so.

But something always happens along the way that causes us to lose that edge, lose that fire that drove us in the beginning.  Sure, a lot of the patients are happy that we're there trying to help them out, but some just don't give a damn.  Some just want to get in and get out.  Some don't believe they need their medications; that we're just poisoning them and trying to fatten our pockets by getting them to buy more medication.

Eventually you start to realize it's a lost cause.  For every person you convince to stay on their therapy, three stop taking a medication for a variety of reasons.  Your best intentions are sometimes undone by the fact that some can't afford the medication that's saving them.  Sometimes they don't care enough about themselves.

Eventually you stop trying so hard.  You realize that it's hopeless, that most don't want to be helped.  They just want to be left alone, and so you want to leave them alone.  The ones that do want to be helped, you get mad at because they're wasting your time with stupid questions.  You just want to slink in the back and ignore it all.  You start to hate people and their neediness, their inability to take care of themselves.

Finally, you lose it.  You can't do it anymore.  If you're a tech, you change careers.  If you're a pharmacist, you change pharmacies, maybe move into a hospital setting where you don't have as many people to deal with.  You become reclusive.  You hate people outside of work just as much as you do when at work.

The hospital setting doesn't make things easier and after a few years, you've ended up working at four different pharmacies trying to find something that doesn't make you extremely bitter.

If you're a tech, the path changes.  The dream of being a pharmacist fizzles.  If you've already entered school, you trudge along, but not for long since you already know the crap they're feeding you in class isn't true.  Your professors decide they can't have the disturbances you cause continue and give you the boot.  You can still change majors, but you don't care anymore because you've wasted all this time trying to become a pharmacist.

If you aren't in school, well, you have to decide what you're actually going to do.  Are you going to force yourself to go?  Swallow the bitter pill and hope it gets better?  Or do you sit there and make the change into something else before it's too late?

The reality of it, and any job, is it can wear on you after a while.  What seems like a great thing can become not-so-great with a little time.  Everyone goes through it at some point.  For some it isn't as severe as it is for others, but it happens.  You start to dread going into work, the days drag more because you anticipate getting off more than you did before.

Everything changes.

For me, that moment occurred after 12-plus years in retail.  The job itself still kept me satisfied, but the environment I was in didn't.  It seemed like the job had changed so much from how it was when I was hired.  The leeway we used to get was disappearing and it seemed like everyone was becoming more and more stressed with each passing day.

For me, the solution was to change environments.  I kept the retail setting as a part-time gig but my full-time job became a closed-door pharmacy.  We aren't spending every waking hour trying to cram in flu shots and adherence calls in the middle of filling prescriptions.  Instead, we're doing what I think pharmacy should be about; making sure people get taken care of and receive the care they deserve.

While I don't see pharmacy as my future anymore, it's not something I dread either.  I don't wake up dreading the trip to work.

No, my issues getting up stem directly from not wanting to leave the bed I'm sharing with my girlfriend, even if she has to get up for work as well.  Once I get to work, I enjoy it.  Sure, it stresses us at times and makes us want to bang our heads against the wall, but it isn't anything like it could be.  I've seen what a burned out pharmacist/tech looks like and it isn't pretty.

The one thing I've talked about is once my girlfriend and I are settled in our own place together sometime next year is me possibly looking into law enforcement as a career.  I've always had an interest in it and it goes along with the notion of me helping people, just in a different way.

Sure, I'd be putting my life on the line, but the way I see it, anything can happen at anytime.  Someone could walk up to my window right now and demand drugs or money and my life would be in danger.  At least if I were doing police work, I'd be putting my life on the line while attempting to help save others.

The realization is that I'm in my 30's and just don't really feel the best idea is to try and get through pharmacy school now, especially since I have minimal college experience behind me. It would take a long time and I feel there's a very good chance this line of work will burn me out in the next five years.  To me, it makes more sense to look into law enforcement soon and see what opportunities lie there.

I don't want to become one of those horror stories of people becoming so scarred from their work experiences that they are shells of their former selves.  I want to continue to be a productive human being who can still be fun to be around.

After all, I do only have the best intentions for myself, those close to me, and those I encounter in life.